Exploring Mindset for a New Year

Happy Black Futures Month! January started off rough, didn’t it? Personally, last January was rough as well (entire family got hit with COVID), which means it is time to officially declare Black History Month as the start to a “new” year. I also thought it was an appropriate time to launch my new passion project - Better with Bilen - which will be a monthly email newsletter exploring topics of all kinds around personal growth, with a social justice lens.

For this first newsletter, I wanted to dig deeper into this idea of “mindset” as a practice. I read that: “the failure rate for New Year's resolutions is said to be about 80 percent, and most lose their resolve by mid-February.” That made me think that maybe what we need for a new year is not just new goals but a new mindset.

By now, many of us are familiar with the word mindset, which has become a buzzword in personal development and business communities. But, what exactly does it mean? Simply put, mindset is what we believe about ourselves. (Read more about it here). These deeply held beliefs can make a big difference in behavior change. When we set a goal of some kind, our ability to achieve that goal will almost certainly be determined by whether or not our mindset supports our ability to change. 

Let me get an important disclaimer out of the way. I am a firm believer that mindset is not a panacea for all the issues that plague us as a society or as individuals. For example, mindset is not policy change. We cannot bootstrap or affirm our way out of systemic racism, sexism, and oppression. Mindset shifts will not stop police from shooting Black folks. We absolutely can’t ignore the fact that we need deep policy, systems and narrative change to remove the systemic barriers that all too often stand our communities’ way, and stop us from living thriving lives. Mindset is also not therapy. In fact, I have found that as we work on mindset, we will come to a place where we realize that to truly heal ourselves, we must address the deep issues and trauma that we may have ignored for a long time. 

So it is important to put mindset in the right context - as a bandaid, not a cure. To use a garden metaphor, attending to our mindset is the daily watering we may need to do, not the fertilizing and soil preparing or the pull-the-weed-from-its-roots work necessary to see our seedlings grow. I see mindset as one powerful tool in our toolbox that can enable us to make progress on our goals, get us through challenges big and small, and essentially make our day-to-day lives easier, lighter and more positive. 

Let me give you a personal example. Over the pandemic, I got up to my highest weight ever. Not surprising given the collective trauma we have been experiencing since March 2020. Personally, I coped with the massive disruption and hardship of the past two years by eating through the anxiety and stress I was feeling, overworking in my business and at home, and spending very little time on myself.  [Turns out, overworking is my trauma response - a topic for another email newsletter.] I suffered the side effects - very low energy, a persistent cough that would not go away, low-grade functional depression and more. In August 2022, I made a decision to change. My decision was not about weight but about having the energy to live and be well. 

After some research, I found a fitness program I liked and did well initially. Following a meal and exercise plan, I saw some good results. But then I started going back to old habits - overeating, skipping daily movements, prioritizing other things over my health. I realized that in order for my habits to change, first my mindset had to. If I want to remain consistent,  I must first start to believe that I - (me, not my job, not my family, not my friends or my kid) - was worthy. I was worthy of the time, discipline and effort. That belief became my deeper why, and I immediately started seeing a shift in my health habits.

Over time, I have learned four practices that can help us shift and prepare our mindset - 1) visioning, 2) countering, 3) affirmations, and 4) mantras. Read more about each of these practices below. And let me know which one you find most helpful, or if there are other practices you use to support your mindset in your day-to-day life. Thanks for reading!

Four Mindset Practices:

1. Visioning
   What it is: The old adage is true - we can’t become what we don’t see. Visioning exercises allow us to see ourselves in the future we desire.
   How I use it: Before any big outcome I am aiming for, I try to envision myself already achieving and experiencing that outcome. For example, before I hired my first full time staff person for my agency Change Consulting, I visualized myself making the offer and the candidate saying yes. It helped me get over the fear of making the leap to hire.
   How to put it to use: Visioning is not a “one and done” exercise. Try to do visioning exercises before any big leaps or changes that require you to imagine a new self, a new future or a new state of being. We can create vision boards either digitally on pinterest or an old school one on foam board.

2. Countering:

   What it is: Negative thoughts can be constant, especially when we are about to do something new or scary, and especially if we have experienced marginalization, oppression and exclusion in our lives. The truth is that we have power over our thoughts, and we can choose whether we want to focus thoughts that help us or thoughts that hinder us. Countering is a really effective exercise that can help us literally replace the negative thought with a positive one. Over time, we come to understand that thoughts are not real - they are not true or false. But they are powerful and can determine our actions and outcomes.
   How I use it: For example, before any presentation, meeting, event, press conference etc, I sit down and write down all the negative things I am anticipating about what is about to happen. Then I write countering, positive thoughts for each one. This really helps me manage anxiety, and feel more confident.
   How to put it to use: First, write down a list of all the negative thoughts that are running through your mind about a given situation or just in general. Seriously, list them all out. Make a practice of being aware of your thoughts. For example, do you have a habit of always expecting the worst in any given situation? Do you experience fear and paranoia or have end of world thinking? Do you tend to rationalize your negative thoughts as facts written in stone without even knowing that you are doing so? Then, try to write three to five positive thoughts to counter one negative thought.

3. Affirmation:

   What is it: When it comes to mindset practices, affirmations may be the one practice many of us are most familiar with. Affirmations are short, positive statements we can repeat to change or affirm how we feel about ourselves.
   How I use it: I have affirmations for various aspects of my life - from health to money to relationships - and also about my core identity.
   How to use it: Affirmations are best as a daily practice. For example, in the morning when we wake up, instead of going to social media first, we can take a few minutes to affirm and ground ourslelves. We can also do affirmations before any big events or milestones that may ramp up our uncertainty and anxiety.

4. Mantras:

   What is it: Similar to affirmations, mantras are short phrases or words we can use to stop negativity in its tracks.
   How I use it: I use mantras often to bust through any particularly insistent negativity or anxiety I may be facing. For example, for a long time, to counter long-embedded  feelings of inadequacy, my go to affirmation was “I am the best.” My go to 2023 mantra is “I am worthy,” with “I am worthy of  time, effort and discipline” as the longer mantra.
   How to use it: You can do mantras at any point in your day or anywhere. I often practice my mantra in the car, walking down the street, or when I am feeling especially vulnerable.